Today I wake up to you
and I don't want to move
at all
I cannot be with you
We cannot be together
I just don't work with you.
You flood my whole being and I am thrown into despair
Flatlined once again.

When you arrive you slowly start to take over
You invade my thoughts
Swarm around in my head
You take a hold of me so tightly I cannot breathe
You consume me
So much
that I cannot find me.

I wasn't here today,
I just appeared to be.

I must offer my humblest apologies
[You thought I was here today.]

I entered the room—late as usual,
I sat down at the back—making as little sound as possible
But you all looked back at me as I gently pulled my notebook from my napsack.

I looked ready to begin,
Pen poised
And you thought that I was here,
But I must say with my deepest regrets
that it was just my physical being that you saw.
It was my smile,
my laugh,
my sigh,
Never inappropriate.

But again, I must apologize,
As I wasn't really here
[I just breathed in air]
But none of you realized,
And again I must say,
that I'm awfully sorry that I was not here today.

© Jackie L Hutchings